Shira: Even though getting engaged was one of the happiest moments in my life thus far, the months following the engagement were not free from turmoil. The stresses of planning a wedding, combined with the pressures of “looking good for the big day” were overwhelming. Around August, my anorexia flared up more severely than I had ever experienced. My physical health declined fairly rapidly, and I landed in the emergency room with heart complications just before Christmas. Andy has been a major source of support in encouraging me to seek treatment.
I am currently enrolled in a partial hospitalization program for eating disorders and am on my way to becoming medically stable. Unfortunately, I am still in a great deal of physical pain much of the time, and a lot of activities of daily living have become difficult for me. Andy has done and continues to do an incredible job taking care of me – driving me to my doctor’s appointments, helping with meal prep, attending family sessions at my treatment center, feeding our cat, etc.
Andy also took it upon himself to learn how to be as supportive as possible in helping me battle against anorexia. Together, we have been learning about the Health At Every Size paradigm and engaging in activism to end diet culture, sizeism, and other ways that our culture creates and encourages disordered eating (see our Inclusion page for more information).
Although this experience has been hellish in many ways, it has taught me that Andy and I are a team, a unit, a pod, a partnership – a family – in sickness and in health. I know that I would do the same for Andy if he became sick or unwell, and this ability to rely on one another for support and care is a crucial part of what makes our relationship so amazing. I can’t wait to commit to Andy for the rest of our lives.
After the proposal, it was peaches and cream for a while, but nothing gold can stay, right, Ponyboy? As life became more and more intense and overwhelming for Shira, I watched her slip deeper and deeper into her eating disorder. I tried to learn everything I could about diet culture, eating disorders, what went wrong, and what “right” could look like. Together, the two of us made allies, found friends, and preached the anti-dieting gospel to anyone who would listen. It was too little, too late for her, but it changed my understanding of the world and drew us closer together in the face of a common enemy.
Just before Christmas, Shira started experiencing a whole host of scary and troubling symptoms, from chest pain to fainting. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was sure I didn’t like it. We spent hours in the emergency room, drawing blood and running tests and checking and re-checking vitals. Sitting there in that awful, sanitized room, it became very clear that this would either end with recovery or a funeral. I couldn’t (and for the record, still can’t) conceive of a life without her in it. That night was the first night we started talking seriously about getting professional help.
Today, as I write this, Shira has successfully eaten an entire Chipotle burrito, a meal that, while normal to you and me, would have been unthinkable to her just a few weeks ago. I am so proud of her for taking her fate into her own hands and staring fear in the face. Shira, you can change your name, dye your hair, sing passive-aggressive karaoke, and eat what you want to eat. You will always be the woman I love.